I almost got a commission for a painting, but I talked the potential client out of it because I'm severely out of practice. I haven't touched a brush since my first year of college, which goes all the way back to 2002. To be honest, I didn't have good foundation with that sort of thing. I'm not so sure it was a good business move, but my gut told me to get better at it before charging people money. It seemed like the honest thing to do. We ended up going with a digital print, hand-drawn and colored in Photoshop. It's easier on my end, but I seriously need to purchase canvases and brushes.

I want to be a proper artist.

---

Kristen Stewart's alright in my book, but she seems to come with a collective of haters, mostly due to Twilight. There's a common idea that she has the inability to emote... mostly due to Twilight. I loved Adventure Land and the Runaways. Hell, I even thought she was good in Panic Room. She can act and convey emotions. I mean, she's no Natalie Portman or Summer Glau (highly underrated, trust me),  but... I don't know. If you want to see dry acting, look no further than Megan Fox. To me, all the exaggerated, cold and robotic characteristics fall in her category. I like Fox, but if we're rating performance, Stewart can F'N act circles around her... and many others.

It's the types of roles she favors, really. Most of Stewart's characters have a little darkness to them, some are less happier than others (hence the lack of smiles). Helena Bonham Carter tends to do the same thing. Sure, she's better at it, but that's experience for you.  Being 22 years of age, Stewart has plenty of time to branch out.

I think we can all agree that Twilight helped pay the mortgage. Nothing more, nothing less. It's ridiculous,  but if I were some young punk with a six-pack, I'd totally be a werewolf on there. I got student loan and shit to pay off. Can't really blame her or anybody else for doing it, especially if it's something that's a trilogy and beyond. 

I can certainly use a Twilight paycheck... residuals... something... anything. 

---

Unfortunately, my current version of Windows doesn't work well with Final Draft 7. I can type up scripts without a problem, but when it comes to converting it to PDF, it's useless. I had to use third party software in order to "print" a PDF, but the damn title page is cut off. I've been hearing all sorts of raves about Celtx, which is the "Open Office" of script writing software. It's free and it looks like it has enough features to keep me busy. There's even room for storyboards. I'm too broke to update to Final Draft 8 (or whatever the latest version is), so I think I'll download Celtx and bounce between both programs. Best of both worlds and all that.

I keep updating things in the pilot, which is a blessing and a curse. On one hand, it's a better read because I'm structuring the bastard with pacing and, unlike earlier drafts, my descriptions are straight to the point. On the other hand, I'm finding new avenues  for the story and characters, it's deviating from the original outline. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not. Occasionally, I wrote something or came up with a concept that was way over my head, so I put it on the back-burner, so to speak. Months or years later, a major network or movie studio comes out with something similar. That's one of the main reasons I'm pressing forward with this.  My mind is anything from great, but people with a shit-load of money and resources seem to think the same way I do. 

Come to think of it, it's a good thing. My writing, thought process, dialogue, and story construction is better than it was a year ago.

I'll post a Celtx review later.

Cheers,

KG

Currently Snow White & The Huntsman By Kristen Stewart, Charlize Theron, Chris Hemsworth, Sam Claflin, Sam Spruell see related

I usually take pride in being a Night Owl, but I'm gonna head off to bed pretty soon. I'm more a 3:00 AM kind of guy. Strangely, I've been feeling light-headed after 1:00 AM. I'm not sure why, but I can take a hint. My battery needs recharging. Fuckin' stress is to blame, I'm sure. I'll come back with a proper entry tomorrow or no later than Sunday. 

Until then...

Cheers.

Currently Human Trafficking By Mira Sorvino, Donald Sutherland, Rémy Girard, Isabelle Blais, Laurence Leboeuf see related

I love this presentation. She brought up interesting thoughts and concepts that can apply to any creative endeavor.

Currently Audiences Listening By Cut Chemist Track: The Garden see related

Most of you already know this, but art and emotion occupy the same space.  When I'm good, I'm good. Of course, there's the flip side of the coin. When I'm bad, I'm really bad. Hell, I'm terrible. It's like a double edged sword. 

When rummaging in the gutters of depression (or whatever this shit is), it's hard for me to produce anything. Putting pen to paper is difficult and it's been like that for a while now. Months----going on a year. It's definitely fuckin' up my reputation as an artist, not that I'm an industry pro or anything, but still... Ultimately, it's messing me up as a man.  

It's hard to kick this shit. It's like being in a haze. Everyday, it's getting harder to pretend that I'm good. Going through the motions of me, well... it doesn't feel like me one bit. The main thing that gets me is when people act like I have it good. Like my situation is peaches and creme and I don't have a damn thing to worry about. I'm beyond angry, I can't even see them right now. All I can say is walk a mile in my shoes before you write me off as decent.

I'm tired of letting people down---the folks that want to collaborate with me---the ones that actually give a damn. I'm tired of letting myself down... It's hard to sleep, hard to think---hard to do anything. 

I need something good to happen very soon, especially when it comes to the financials. The money situation is the nucleus of all this crap that's going on with me. No money, but there's a truckload of debt (thank you, Sallie Mae). Whether it's a 9 to 5 job or winning the lottery, I need positive change. I need to be me again. I want to be happy, or, at the very least, content. I'll settle for content... I'll settle for mediocrity because it's better than what I have right now. 

I'm just tired. 

- I'm an impressive man when it comes to generating ideas. I'm a fuckin' fountain, to be completely here. At the end of the day, it's a curse. There's so much coming out of my head, I can't work on it all. Realistically, there are a few principal projects I want to focus on, but even those projects require a lot of time and energy. I wish I could duplicate myself---even if it's only for a couple of hours a day. If there's only one project, I feel like I'm not doing enough. At the same time, multiple projects tend to make me feel...stretched. I guess I'm searching for my happy medium. 

- I'm thinking about doing some weekly sketches on here. Completely at random. The only stipulation for me would be to post new art here once a week. Sounds reasonable. The main reason is, well... I don't draw enough. I have things like sketch cards and comics, but most of that is hush-hush, especially with the cards. I see other artist, some not even on the professional level, producing more than I. It's not a race or anything, but I want to produce a healthy amount of work from now on. Looking back at 2012, I only had a handful of drawings from that year. I told myself I need to do things differently the next year, so let me at least keep one promise to myself. 

- Mentioning #drawings, I have 3 slots open for sketch commissions. If any of you want a sketch from me, send me a note or some form of communication. 

- As an aspiring conceptual artist and all around filmmaker, sometimes I feel like I'm am completely alone. As far as breaking into the industry, calling it a crap-shoot would be far too kind. It doesn't help that I had a taste of success---just a small taste of getting hired to work on an independent sci-fi movie. A year earlier, a Creative Director took notice of me on Behance dot com and she wanted hire me on as a storyboard artist for an unnamed Lion's Gate movie. Unfortunately, things didn't work out and I was never hired for that project, but we still kept in touch. Hell, she even hooked me up with that indy film gig, which turned out to be shady (I'll get into that later). I emailed her weeks ago just to say hello, since it's been a while. I also wanted to ask her for some advice on starting a company being that she's the CEO of one, but I decided to leave that out. Our rapport is a little weak, so I wanted to play it safe. Besides, I really do care about her comings and goings.

The shadiness. Well, I probably went over it before on this blog, but the recap is that I designed a few things for an independent film. As a matter of fact, the work was for a start up company, which is the greenest of the green. She recommended me, playing matchmaker, so to speak. It started off good, looked promising. In the beginning  the Producer over the phone told me that she was going to mail over some paperwork containing legal things like a nondisclosure agreement. The biggest thing was the contract. Over the span of months, I worked on designs for the protagonist, the villains, a few props here and there, but I never received the bloody contract. She told me to write down my hours for compensation down the line. I went into it, knowing that I wasn't getting paid until they successfully pitched the bloody thing to a studio. The contract, something I brought up in multiple conversations, was elusive.

Naturally, my spider-sense warned me after the fact.

I don't know if this was just a rookie mistake or a complete screw-job. The producer was new to the title and she seemed genuinely nice, but the lack of the contract, the thing that containing the conditions of our agreement, made me worry. Sadly, the work I produced wasn't really my best. Maybe that's a good thing. Then again, I do remember hurting my back because I spent so many hours on Photoshop. I was hurt for a couple of weeks because of that. At the time, I didn't tell the producer that because I didn't want it to seem like I was a liability or something. I wanted to be that capable guy she could count on. Shit, I didn't want to be replaced by another artist. As the months went on, I was less capable due to the cloud of uncertainty. "Am I getting screwed over? What if I don't get paid? Will I ever see that contract?" 

I didn't know it at the time, but the answer was no. 

Eventually, I stopped clocking in my hours. I stopped brainstorming and drawing shit from my head. I stopped giving a fuck. 

Regardless of that fiasco, which happened almost three years ago, I wanted to ask my CEO friend a few questions. It's been weeks since I sent that email. No response. She could be busy... She's always busy, I'm sure. At the same time, I really feel like I'm alone in this. She was an ally, for a short period of time. I guess the thing with the indy film is our elephant in the room or something. If anyone is allowed to be mad, I'm at the top of the list.... but I'm not. Overall, it was a learning experience. It helped me, professionally. I know what to do and what to ask when hired by a company/studio. 

God, this is supposed to be random and I'm going on about shit that happened a while ago. There was a point it all these paragraphs... Oh! The other day, I watched a Wonder Woman fan film and the director of that trailer had a facebook account. Naturally, I sent him a friend request and we've been messaging back and forth ever since. I didn't really intend for him to be my go-to guy when it comes to film advice, but he's fuckin' awesome. Honestly, I'm surprised he's even responding to my messages, let alone answering questions. 

Sometimes I feel alone. Sometimes, I run into a kindred spirit. 

It happens.

- Evil Dead looks like it'll be alright. Honestly, I didn't really see the first one... not in it's entirety. I've seen parts of Army of Darkness. Anyway, the thing that hooked me in the trailer was the creepy lady sticking her head out of the floor and singing "We're gonna get you." Not sure why I like that because that would've kept me up as a kid. Forget sleep, kid. Of course, when writing screenplays dealing with some horror and supernatural elements, I guess I'm more attracted to that shit than I anticipated. 

Currently Mad Men: Season One By Jon Hamm, Elisabeth Moss, Vincent Kartheiser, January Jones, Christina Hendricks see related