13 | March | 2013 | Jack_Hawksmoor's Xanga Site

- I'm an impressive man when it comes to generating ideas. I'm a fuckin' fountain, to be completely here. At the end of the day, it's a curse. There's so much coming out of my head, I can't work on it all. Realistically, there are a few principal projects I want to focus on, but even those projects require a lot of time and energy. I wish I could duplicate myself---even if it's only for a couple of hours a day. If there's only one project, I feel like I'm not doing enough. At the same time, multiple projects tend to make me feel...stretched. I guess I'm searching for my happy medium.

- I'm thinking about doing some weekly sketches on here. Completely at random. The only stipulation for me would be to post new art here once a week. Sounds reasonable. The main reason is, well... I don't draw enough. I have things like sketch cards and comics, but most of that is hush-hush, especially with the cards. I see other artist, some not even on the professional level, producing more than I. It's not a race or anything, but I want to produce a healthy amount of work from now on. Looking back at 2012, I only had a handful of drawings from that year. I told myself I need to do things differently the next year, so let me at least keep one promise to myself.

- Mentioning #drawings, I have 3 slots open for sketch commissions. If any of you want a sketch from me, send me a note or some form of communication.

- As an aspiring conceptual artist and all around filmmaker, sometimes I feel like I'm am completely alone. As far as breaking into the industry, calling it a crap-shoot would be far too kind. It doesn't help that I had a taste of success---just a small taste of getting hired to work on an independent sci-fi movie. A year earlier, a Creative Director took notice of me on Behance dot com and she wanted hire me on as a storyboard artist for an unnamed Lion's Gate movie. Unfortunately, things didn't work out and I was never hired for that project, but we still kept in touch. Hell, she even hooked me up with that indy film gig, which turned out to be shady (I'll get into that later). I emailed her weeks ago just to say hello, since it's been a while. I also wanted to ask her for some advice on starting a company being that she's the CEO of one, but I decided to leave that out. Our rapport is a little weak, so I wanted to play it safe. Besides, I really do care about her comings and goings.

The shadiness. Well, I probably went over it before on this blog, but the recap is that I designed a few things for an independent film. As a matter of fact, the work was for a start up company, which is the greenest of the green. She recommended me, playing matchmaker, so to speak. It started off good, looked promising. In the beginning the Producer over the phone told me that she was going to mail over some paperwork containing legal things like a nondisclosure agreement. The biggest thing was the contract. Over the span of months, I worked on designs for the protagonist, the villains, a few props here and there, but I never received the bloody contract. She told me to write down my hours for compensation down the line. I went into it, knowing that I wasn't getting paid until they successfully pitched the bloody thing to a studio. The contract, something I brought up in multiple conversations, was elusive.

Naturally, my spider-sense warned me after the fact.

I don't know if this was just a rookie mistake or a complete screw-job. The producer was new to the title and she seemed genuinely nice, but the lack of the contract, the thing that containing the conditions of our agreement, made me worry. Sadly, the work I produced wasn't really my best. Maybe that's a good thing. Then again, I do remember hurting my back because I spent so many hours on Photoshop. I was hurt for a couple of weeks because of that. At the time, I didn't tell the producer that because I didn't want it to seem like I was a liability or something. I wanted to be that capable guy she could count on. Shit, I didn't want to be replaced by another artist. As the months went on, I was less capable due to the cloud of uncertainty. "Am I getting screwed over? What if I don't get paid? Will I ever see that contract?"

I didn't know it at the time, but the answer was no.

Eventually, I stopped clocking in my hours. I stopped brainstorming and drawing shit from my head. I stopped giving a fuck.

Regardless of that fiasco, which happened almost three years ago, I wanted to ask my CEO friend a few questions. It's been weeks since I sent that email. No response. She could be busy... She's always busy, I'm sure. At the same time, I really feel like I'm alone in this. She was an ally, for a short period of time. I guess the thing with the indy film is our elephant in the room or something. If anyone is allowed to be mad, I'm at the top of the list.... but I'm not. Overall, it was a learning experience. It helped me, professionally. I know what to do and what to ask when hired by a company/studio.

God, this is supposed to be random and I'm going on about shit that happened a while ago. There was a point it all these paragraphs... Oh! The other day, I watched a Wonder Woman fan film and the director of that trailer had a facebook account. Naturally, I sent him a friend request and we've been messaging back and forth ever since. I didn't really intend for him to be my go-to guy when it comes to film advice, but he's fuckin' awesome. Honestly, I'm surprised he's even responding to my messages, let alone answering questions.

Sometimes I feel alone. Sometimes, I run into a kindred spirit.

It happens.

- Evil Dead looks like it'll be alright. Honestly, I didn't really see the first one... not in it's entirety. I've seen parts of Army of Darkness. Anyway, the thing that hooked me in the trailer was the creepy lady sticking her head out of the floor and singing "We're gonna get you." Not sure why I like that because that would've kept me up as a kid. Forget sleep, kid. Of course, when writing screenplays dealing with some horror and supernatural elements, I guess I'm more attracted to that shit than I anticipated.