I actually have the account set up, but my computer seems to be rather adversarial with me lately. One thing I noticed is that I can't stream without some "Content Advisor" telling me I can't launch the site because it's not rated. I tried setting it up to get access, but the Content Advisor is not responding to any of my passwords. Either someone changed it or it already came with a password I wasn't aware of. I don't recall making one for that particular function. From the looks of it, I can't go live until I fix the bloody problem. Ironically, Content Advisor, in all of it's infinite douchebaggery, is nowhere to be found when the occasional porn is browsed.

I am sick of logging on and getting excited to see a new message, only to find out that it's another one of these cluster-fucks:

My name`s Patricia
I really feel shy, but I have to tell u,
Jack_Hawksmoor, that you are just so coool )... It was a miracle to
detect your page but currently I am sure it is a destiny!))
U`r the best... but I know for sure that in ur life u`l excite me more and more, again and again!
btw that`s incredible... but I am from Philadelphia too!
I would like 2 keep up a friendship with u, Jack_Hawksmoor!
This site does not accept my photos... ((
the most revealing images I hosted here: http://yourpersonalprofile.com/account/852776736/
Jack_Hawksmoor, I think you will like them and will write me smth 2 start our challenge .
xxx all over !!

Of course, I'm sure this site doesn't accept photos from a 42 year old man dressed as Sailor Moon. I'm quite pissed because it's literally the same message I've been receiving for almost two years. I try not to respond, but the urge takes over and I let them have it. Thing is, I bet they don't even read it. In fact, it just might be a computer or something sending it out. In any case, I'm sure there's a special level in hell for spammers and all the like.

It's in the Bible somewhere, I guess.

Chatting...

It's annoying as hell. The main thing that really pisses me off is the constant waiting. I made peace with the fact that most people can't type as fast as me, but to sit around waiting 15 agonizing minutes for a response can nearly drive me insane. Hell, I'm already crazy. I guess I'm not the patient type. There are rare days when I can run into somebody that can actually type and keep the conversation going---not to mention resisting the urge to use CAPS LOCK. I tend to stay away from chats, as my friends on Myspace, Facebook, and AIM can attest to.

With that said, Livestream is pretty damn amazing. The site is self explanatory, you can stream...lively. Honestly, I thought it was porn at first, but there's a bunch of artist on there that broadcast their work. One of my idols from deviantART colors her projects from DC comics and other companies live for all to see. Once I found out you can stream from your desktop, a light bulb turned on inside my head---which is so rare, it's damn near a superpower. Contrary to what I put on an employment questionnaire, I'm a fairly private person, but I was thinking about conducting a live session of my own, just with me playing around in photoshop. Perhaps coloring one of my old drawings or something. A sketch or two?

Any of you interested in watching me work while... *gulp* ...chatting...?

If yes, I'll have to set a time and date.

I once ran into a lovely German lady on deviantART.com. Her art ability is off the charts, enabling her to digitally paint in a photo-realistic fashion. She certainly has the gift---the magical touch that many artist strive for on a daily basis. When I asked her about schooling, she said she never attended a university, college, institute, or what have you. I found that shocking, but when she said she could go for free in her country, my jaw hit the keyboard---something fierce. Of course, there's some type of waiting list or some kind of evaluation process to get in, but the reality is there. Free art school.

I'm sure everything isn't free. There's books and supplies you may have to purchase, but compared to the United States, that's nothing. To a guy that owes tens of thousands to Sallie Mae and other grimey bastards, free schooling in that type of field sounds like the promised land. 

Thinking about the possibilities, I can't help but get depressed about America and my overall situation. At the same time, my depression is just another form of guilt. Let's face it, I wasn't the best student and I didn't have the best teachers. I partly made my bed and I hate sleeping in it. Just knowing that free education exist is quite a kick to the balls, you know? The same could be said about free health care. I'm not sure how Canada works, but it seems to be doing pretty good the last time I checked.

Up until this morning, I didn't realize how deep the shit-hole was for me. I have some messed up teeth in the back, mainly a bastard wisdom tooth that needs pulling. I'm uninsured and I basically have no income. I have a few dollars from commissions, but that's laughable when dealing with medical cost. After going to the free clinic, they sent me on a wild goose chase. The next day, I had to wake up at the first crack of homeless piss hitting the curb to head over to a School of Dentistry. Waiting in line out in the cold for over an hour really opened my eyes to how fucked up my life is. People with good paying jobs and insurance don't have to go through that. If you're not insured, they pretty much give you their ass to kiss. You have to listen to some big security guard barking orders, telling you the endless list of limitations and options that aren't available to the uninsured. After waiting for hours, they refer me to another dental group, which would make this the 3rd place I have to go to. The sad part is this new place charges more.

Being the poor bastard who hasn't worked since December of last year, I can't afford a $300 consultation, X-rays, and the actual surgery. That's gotta be over $100 right there. What's so hard about pulling out a damn tooth? I'd do it myself if I had the proper equipment, not to mention anaesthetics. If I were in Canada, I would be countin' sheep right now.

Is it possible to see free college education in America in our lifetime?

What about health care that actually works for everybody?

I'm a fuckin statistic. Standing in line with all of those poor souls, I realize I'm at the bottom of the barrel. No different from a homeless person if I weren't living with my parents. Where-oh-where did I go wrong? Why-oh-why didn't I take the blue pill?

In most success stories, you read about how some rich folk had to hit rock bottom before they gained their fortune. J.K. Rowling wrote Harry Potter on welfare while diagnosed with clinical depression. I should be able to get my life on track.