LAS VEGAS - As the Consumer Electronics Show winds down, another famous Las Vegas convention is just getting started with a few new gadgets of its own.

At a demonstration at the Adult Entertainment Expo on Saturday, a dark-haired, negligee-clad robot said "I love holding hands with you" when it sensed that its creator touched its hand. Yes, indeed: A New Jersey company says it has developed "the world's first sex robot," a life-size rubber doll that's designed to engage the owner with conversation rather than lifelike movement.

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That robot looks worse than Courtney Love, which is a feat in itself. Anyhoo, we are totally living in a strange, strange world. You figure if some poor sap is willing to get a sex robot, the last thing he wants to do is talk to it. Then again, you never know.

Dear Laptop (specifically the keyboard),

I never liked you to begin with. I find you to be to be riddled with flaws only a person of my impeccable status can detect. I can live with the fact that you’re not comfortable to work with, but the least you can do is be responsive. After all, that was the deal. I bring you the words and you place them down in a neat and orderly fashion. Sure, we can go with the excuse that my constant typing wore you down, but you’re a bloody keyboard for Christ sake. It's your job. That's like a pornstar complaining about anal. When I type a word, I expect all the letters to appear, but you’ve been making me look like a buffoon for the last two weeks. I think it’s funny that you’re not messing up as I type this. All of a sudden you work correctly? Did my plan actually work? Having a heart-to-heart with an inanimate object to make it run smoothly... I must be crazy or a pure genius because it worked. Diplomacy works with machines, after all.  

Sincerely,

Kenny