June 27, 2013
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The Grind
There are times when I don't have enough care to listen to anybody's shit. Therefore, I keep my distance. I saved a lot of friendships that way. There's this one guy on Facebook, an aspiring artist, who occasionally sends me messages. For the most part, he wants me to look at his updated gallery for critiques and possibly a few accolades. As much as I love cultivating new talent, I just wasn't in the proper mind set. Most of you know, I've been quite the mess lately, inside and outside create pursuits. I don't even want to look at my own shit, let alone a guy that's just starting out.
I wanted to tell him to "cut it out" or "fuck off"---something to make him go away. I wanted to tell him to find something else to do with his time because art is a severely punishing grind. The bleak reality is that everybody can't live off of it and if you're taking the freelance route, it really sucks to be at the mercy of disposable income. Getting in a studio is even tougher because there's about a thousand artist gunning for the same thing. Elevating your style or even finding it in the first place can take years of heartache and pain. As soon as you think you're ready, something comes along to kick your confidence in the teeth. I wanted to tell this guy that he's better off finding something a bit more safe and rewarding.
The moment I started typing, I remembered one of my friends telling me about a conversation he had with a professional comic book artist. To a certain extent, he did the same thing, asking for feedback and all of that. Unfortunately, the Pro flat-out told him to quit. Quit.... Q-U-I-T. My friend was in shock because, well... that was the furthest thing from feedback anyone could give. The Pro followed that statement with a brief explanation about why my friend should give up his endeavor. From what I can remember, the guy told him that he needed to be further along, skill-wise. Due to his age, he would be very old by the time his work was up to standards.
After hearing that story, I was pissed off. I remembering asking my friend, "who in the tap-dancing fuck made that guy judge, jury, and executioner of your dreams?" I was livid because that insensitive bastard was a professional and I believe that title comes with a certain amount of grace. If a fan walks up and shows you some art, the least you can do is smile and point out the good stuff. If there's bad stuff, you can point that out as well, but don't crush any souls. There's a big difference between an honest critique and repeatedly stomping on someone's nuts. The aspiring artist should walk away with knowledge and a willingness to improve. If they walk away with a cloud of depression, you deserve an uppercut .
Earlier today, I found myself teetering on the edge of hypocrisy. There I was, seconds away from stomping on someone's dream because I was in a funky mood. My personal hang-ups about my own crappy situation almost spilled into his world. Thankfully, I changed my paragraph into a few words of encouragement. Did I feed him bullshit? Not really. The thing is, it might take him a little longer to get to where he wants to be, but I don't have any right to take him off that journey. The only thing I can do is steer him away from all the mistakes I made. Besides that, he seems to value my opinion, which is a little weird, but it's still a responsibility I can't take lightly. I told him to keep up the good work.
Artist need to encourage each other, no matter the level of skill because, at the end of the day, we're all students. Art is something you'll never reach the end of. There's no such thing as "maxing out". There's no "final boss." That's actually a beautiful thing, if you think about it. The audacity to have institutions taking money to learn these things is quite the robbery, but I suppose that's another topic for another time.
I'm just worried that my struggle is gradually turning me into an asshole.
Seriously... that was a close call.
-KG
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By Trentemoller
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Comments (6)
Well, I accidentally deleted my own comments.
I enjoyed this post and thought it was spot-on. I love your line about artists supporting each other because everyone is a student at the end of the day. Also the notion that art is something you never reach the end of. Some of the most brilliants artists/writers/musicians I've known were also the most humble--like a favorite teacher of mine once said, the more you learn, the more you realize how much there still is learn. The fact that we ALL start as beginners and ALL have room to grow obligates us to be patient and kind with those needing a little support--like you said, to have some grace (perfect word).
And not everyone is capable of the same level of skill or success. But I think creative drive should be nurtured. It's part of us, after all. Ultimately, people can decide for themselves whether to stay the professional path or not. (Doesn't mean you have to sugar-coat the challenges, either.). Like you said, it's his journey.
You're a very decent person to put yourself in his shoes before responding.
(Keep your chin up!)
@reginasikora - And I say "us" not as an artistic mentor but because we all end up teaching/guiding someone in some way
I went with the "safe" route. I fully intended to go to art school and wanted to study computer animation (not even sure if you can go to school specifically for that, but I was just a dumb kid who hadn't really done any research) up until I was a senior in college. And then I got disheartened by some harsh critiques in my advanced art class and one particular comment from a chemistry professor ("I used to want to go to art school... then I realized I just wasn't good enough"), did some scrambling, and decided before ever taking a single course in psychology that I wanted to go to school for psychology. Obviously that's not truly the "safest" of routes, because psychology is something that is incredibly difficult to succeed in, but it seemed "safer" at the time. So I graduated with my degree in psychology, got rejected from the 10 psychology graduate programs that I'd applied to after dropping about $1,000 on applications, the GREs, sending out scores, traveling for interviews, etc, ended up taking an extra year in undergraduate and then applied to audiology schools-- once again, an even SAFER route than psychology. I ultimately ended up with an assistantship position in my program at a private university, but lost that after one year. So now I'm footing the $50,000/year tuition bill for the remainder of my 4 year program, and even if I DO get a decent job at the end of all of this (the highest I can really hope for is about a $70k/year salary), I'll probably be paying off my student loans for the rest of my natural life... which I guess could be good in a sense, because with social security benefits as the currently are, I won't ever have to worry about them-- I'll die at my audiometer, and will never have to worry about retiring.
Sorry for the novel! If this is too long, the moral of the story is, if you're trying to play it safe these days... "you're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't." Unless, of course, you're like my fiance and you have a natural aptitude/love for math/science and you can get away with a 4 year degree in something like engineering. I've personally never been good enough at math or science for that to have been a practical option for me. Alas... the job world is tough these days. At least you won't have to live with the regret of not following your dreams! Things will get better. And I'm glad you didn't crush that guy's dreams.
@TheyCallHerEcho88 - And not to add to the novel that I wrote, but I just wanted to clarify that I wasn't being sarcastic at the end of that. Sometimes I wonder if I would have been happier if I had persevered with art, so I really admire your courage for following your dreams, whatever it takes.
@reginasikora - Oh, that happens to the best of us. I accidentally flagged a post the other day.
Anyhooooooo, I remember back when I was fresh out of high school. Things were really different because we didn't have Facebook. Hell, Myspace wasn't even thought of. Back then, we had message forums and we would upload art to various threads. For the most part, you'd keep posting until someone was nice enough to reply. That process took a long time for me, especially the critiques from professionals. Nowadays, we pretty much have direct access to anybody, depending on how active they are on the internet. We're a few steps pass digital and heading into the instant era.
So, I started to get a little pissed off because, "why in the flaming hell is he bothering me...?" Then I realized it's actually a special thing. Out of all the people that he could be bugging, he decided to bug me. He wants my opinions, critiques, and pats on the back. I wish I had that when I was starting out because I think I would be a better artist. In fact, if I had community support, I probably wouldn't be in this current mess.
Besides that, I was in a terrible state of mind yesterday. When I get low, I tend to be 10 shades of grumpy. I definitely don't want any of that leaking onto the internet... or in the flesh.
Thank you.
@TheyCallHerEcho88 -- I suppose there's no such thing as a safe route. Concerning the tuition bills, I can definitely relate. Higher education shouldn't be the equivalent of shooting yourself in the foot. That's how I feel everyday, especially when I'm harassed by 1-800 collection agencies.
Believe it or not, I went to art school specifically for computer animation. I was so inspired by that Final Fantasy movie, featuring 100% CGI storytelling. At the time, the characters looked real. Much to my disappointment, learning all that stuff was tougher than I imagined. By the time I threw in the towel, it was too late. I didn't really have enough loans to switch majors and I was to depressed and stupid to finish it out. I dropped so many classes, Leah... If I could do it all over again, I would love to try filmmaking. Then again, I can do that right now without the need for teachers and tuition (that's why jobs come in handy).
If you want pursue art, please do. It's mostly free. It's a real shame that I didn't realize that nugget of wisdom until I was knee-deep in debt. When it comes to drawing, I learned more after my stint at the Art Institute than I did while having an instructor over my shoulder. Learning outside of college is more than possible, especially in the art field. Other fields are different, but credentials don't really matter when you create for a living. The almighty portfolio is usually the key to the kingdom. There's plenty of 3D artist who learned on their own...or maybe a friend taught them. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you can still follow that dream. There's more than enough tutorials and tools available for you to do it at your own pace. Now, "free" might be exaggerated. The software is expensive as fuck, but it's cheaper than tens of thousands of dollars.
Whatever you do, you have my full support.
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