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Monday, 16 November 2009

Oh, the pain...

It's been too long since I made an entry on here. Ah, the truth is, I've been in a funk. I'll post something good soon.

Promise.

Gotta revitalize this place....

Friday, 23 October 2009

Livestream Update

I actually have the account set up, but my computer seems to be rather adversarial with me lately. One thing I noticed is that I can't stream without some "Content Advisor" telling me I can't launch the site because it's not rated. I tried setting it up to get access, but the Content Advisor is not responding to any of my passwords. Either someone changed it or it already came with a password I wasn't aware of. I don't recall making one for that particular function. From the looks of it, I can't go live until I fix the bloody problem. Ironically, Content Advisor, in all of it's infinite douchebaggery, is nowhere to be found when the occasional porn is browsed.

Oh, we're all adults here. I can say it.

In Other News...

I am sick of logging on and getting excited to see a new message, only to find out that it's another one of these cluster-fucks:

My name`s Patricia
I really feel shy, but I have to tell u, Jack_Hawksmoor, that you are just so coool )... It was a miracle to detect your page but currently I am sure it is a destiny!))
U`r the best... but I know for sure that in ur life u`l excite me more and more, again and again! :)
btw that`s incredible... but I am from Philadelphia too!
I would like 2 keep up a friendship with u, Jack_Hawksmoor!
This site does not accept my photos... ((
the most revealing images I hosted here: http://yourpersonalprofile.com/account/852776736/
Jack_Hawksmoor, I think you will like them and will write me smth 2 start our challenge :).
xxx all over :)!!

Of course, I'm sure this site doesn't accept photos from a 42 year old man dressed as Sailor Moon. I'm quite pissed because it's literally the same message I've been receiving for almost two years. I try not to respond, but the urge takes over and I let them have it. Thing is, I bet they don't even read it. In fact, it just might be a computer or something sending it out. In any case, I'm sure there's a special level in hell for spammers and all the like.

It's in the Bible somewhere, I guess.

Currently
In Rainbows
By Radiohead
Jigsaw Falling into Place
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Thursday, 22 October 2009

Livestream Session!

Chatting...

It's annoying as hell. The main thing that really pisses me off is the constant waiting. I made peace with the fact that most people can't type as fast as me, but to sit around waiting 15 agonizing minutes for a response can nearly drive me insane. Hell, I'm already crazy. I guess I'm not the patient type. There are rare days when I can run into somebody that can actually type and keep the conversation going---not to mention resisting the urge to use CAPS LOCK. I tend to stay away from chats, as my friends on Myspace, Facebook, and AIM can attest to.

With that said, Livestream is pretty damn amazing. The site is self explanatory, you can stream...lively. Honestly, I thought it was porn at first, but there's a bunch of artist on there that broadcast their work. One of my idols from deviantART colors her projects from DC comics and other companies live for all to see. Once I found out you can stream from your desktop, a light bulb turned on inside my head---which is so rare, it's damn near a superpower. Contrary to what I put on an employment questionnaire, I'm a fairly private person, but I was thinking about conducting a live session of my own, just with me playing around in photoshop. Perhaps coloring one of my old drawings or something. A sketch or two?

Any of you interested in watching me work while... *gulp* ...chatting...?

If yes, I'll have to set a time and date.

Currently
Casino Royale (2-Disc Widescreen Edition)
By Daniel Craig, Eva Green, Mads Mikkelsen, Judi Dench, Jeffrey Wright
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Monday, 12 October 2009

I once ran into a lovely German lady on deviantART.com. Her art ability is off the charts, enabling her to digitally paint in a photo-realistic fashion. She certainly has the gift---the magical touch that many artist strive for on a daily basis. When I asked her about schooling, she said she never attended a university, college, institute, or what have you. I found that shocking, but when she said she could go for free in her country, my jaw hit the keyboard---something fierce. Of course, there's some type of waiting list or some kind of evaluation process to get in, but the reality is there. Free art school.

I'm sure everything isn't free. There's books and supplies you may have to purchase, but compared to the United States, that's nothing. To a guy that owes tens of thousands to Sallie Mae and other grimey bastards, free schooling in that type of field sounds like the promised land.

Thinking about the possibilities, I can't help but get depressed about America and my overall situation. At the same time, my depression is just another form of guilt. Let's face it, I wasn't the best student and I didn't have the best teachers. I partly made my bed and I hate sleeping in it. Just knowing that free education exist is quite a kick to the balls, you know? The same could be said about free health care. I'm not sure how Canada works, but it seems to be doing pretty good the last time I checked.

Up until this morning, I didn't realize how deep the shit-hole was for me. I have some messed up teeth in the back, mainly a bastard wisdom tooth that needs pulling. I'm uninsured and I basically have no income. I have a few dollars from commissions, but that's laughable when dealing with medical cost. After going to the free clinic, they sent me on a wild goose chase. The next day, I had to wake up at the first crack of homeless piss hitting the curb to head over to a School of Dentistry. Waiting in line out in the cold for over an hour really opened my eyes to how fucked up my life is. People with good paying jobs and insurance don't have to go through that. If you're not insured, they pretty much give you their ass to kiss. You have to listen to some big security guard barking orders, telling you the endless list of limitations and options that aren't available to the uninsured. After waiting for hours, they refer me to another dental group, which would make this the 3rd place I have to go to. The sad part is this new place charges more.

Being the poor bastard who hasn't worked since December of last year, I can't afford a $300 consultation, X-rays, and the actual surgery. That's gotta be over $100 right there. What's so hard about pulling out a damn tooth? I'd do it myself if I had the proper equipment, not to mention anaesthetics. If I were in Canada, I would be countin' sheep right now.

Is it possible to see free college education in America in our lifetime?

What about health care that actually works for everybody?

I'm a fuckin statistic. Standing in line with all of those poor souls, I realize I'm at the bottom of the barrel. No different from a homeless person if I weren't living with my parents. Where-oh-where did I go wrong? Why-oh-why didn't I take the blue pill?

In most success stories, you read about how some rich folk had to hit rock bottom before they gained their fortune. J.K. Rowling wrote Harry Potter on welfare while diagnosed with clinical depression. I should be able to get my life on track.

Currently
Heaven's Kitchen
It's Gonna Rain!
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Monday, 14 September 2009

I couldn't even make this shit up...
For those of you following me on Twitter, you may have briefly scanned my tweet about an incident on the subway earlier in the morning. I'm just going to elaborate on it...

After spending the night over my brother's place and eating a good breakfast, it was time for me to head home. I had a few projects to finish, after all. I was thinking in my head that the fastest and safest route from point A to point B was the subway. Boy, was I wrong. Hell, I was in for a rude awakening.

I get on the train and normally I try to get in the front or middle carts. The logic behind this is that, from personal experience, people tend to be more rowdy in the last few carts. I don't know why it's like that, but I don't argue with the rules. Unfortunately, I decide to break tradition and boarded the very last cart. For some reason, the sight of the thing being empty was enticing (not to mention rare). So I get on and sit down, trying to enjoy my Green Tea Arizona. Then it happens.

The next stop, some homeless guy get's on the train. The FUNK from this guy was unbelievable, but I held my breath, hoping that he just goes all the way to the back. Instead, he stand in front of me, asking for money. Normally, I would have given the guy some spare change, but I declined. I'm not sure why I did that...maybe I just thought he would go away faster. Wrong! The homeless guy noticed my Green Tea and asked for that, too. I declined on that, also. By that time, the funk was getting to me, so I moved down the cart, far enough to get away from the guy. He stayed in middle. At that point, things seemed to be under control.

A few stops later, the motherfucker lays down on the seats. I'm assuming he's about to go to sleep. From a distance, I could see him doing something with his zipper---maybe a few adjustments here and there. Things like that happen. Moments pass and I still see a lot of movement in the zipper area. I don't know why it took me so long to figure out what he was doing. I personally blame my naivety and the constant need to give people the benefit of doubt. The son of a bitch was shamelessly mastubating. Thank goodness I moved down to the end of the cart, but it wasn't enough. I had to get off that cart and sit next to people. I didn't care if I sat next to a Nazi or a zombie.

I got up with haste and crossed to the cart in front. I cleverly looked back to see if he got up, too. Guess what. He did. I saw some folks and sat next to them, hoping that the funky-homeless-masturbating-guy would move on. As it turned out, this fucker actually was following me. He sat down in a seat in front me and started to pick his nose. I started to panic. Under normal circumstances, fighting would be safe choice because if a guy has the nerve---the balls to do that, he needed to get his ass kicked. On the other hand, this dude was HOMELESS. There's no way in hell I want to even touch the bastard, let alone trade fist. That's unnecessary funk I would be exposed to and there's a good chance he's a walking AIDS factory. He just got done playing with his dick, too. Punching his lights out was off the table. Instead of confronting him and asking questions, a few thoughts entered my head. I had a few bucks on me. Bribing him to go away seemed like a nice option. At the same time, why reward the fucker? Why get him use to the idea of gaining cash for bothering people? Could have moved to the next cart again, but the process would have repeated. City Hall came up and it hit me like a block of ice in the desert.

I pretended to get off at City Hall by grabbing my stuff and sitting up. The homeless fuck got up and proceeded to follow me off the train. In a split second, I stopped while he kept going and stayed on the train. Meanwhile, I could see him actually looking for me. For some sick and twisted reason, the train decided to take forever to pull off. Normally, when it stops to let people on and off at a station, it takes 20 seconds at the most. I was waiting for the damn doors to close for over 40 seconds, hoping that he wouldn't come back in. My options were running thin and I was out of tricks.

Finally, the doors close and the train pulls off. I check to see if he boarded on the carts in front of me, but he was nowhere in sight. I was happy. In fact, I started to tell the people sitting next to me about my little nightmare. Whoever was willing to listen, I didn't give a shit---I just wanted to talk to normal people. One guy chuckled at my brief recap, but I didn't tell him about the "jerking off" part. That's no laughing matter, I can assure you. As Dave Chappelle cleverly put it, the last thing anybody wants is a homeless guy biologically attacking them. [link]

In the interest of passing on years of knowledge, I'm going to give you a few tips on subway survival in Philadelphia (in case you ever decide to visit this dump):
- You want to be in the middle. It's safer because the end of the carts can be rowdy and possibly harbor the homeless, but the same could be said for the few in the front. It's rare for the front to have trouble, but it happens. If you're in the 1st cart, try to score a seat near the driver.
- Have some spare change ready, so you don't have to dig in your pockets for a long time. There's a good chance that said homeless person stinks and the fumes could literally stay with you all day long. Having spare change ready for a quick release will cut the waiting time in half and they'll leave you alone. I carry 85 cents with me everywhere I go.
- If you have any drinks or food open, put it away before Stinky spots it. You're not really suppose to eat on the train anyway.
- If Stinky spots you with food or beverage and asks for it, give it up. The thing about this is that a Quarter Pounder with cheese isn't worth harassment from some homeless guy. Just give him the damn burger and proceed to move to the next cart.
- If movies teach you anything, its not really safe to be alone. In this case, it's not safe to be alone on the subway. Move to an area that has people. If anything, they can be witnesses. On a good day, you may get backup from a good samaritan.
- Travel with a friend. Safety in numbers works well in public transportation. Half the bastards won't even think about starting shit if you have company.
- If you don't have a contamination suit on you, hand sanitizer is the next best thing. Since homeless people dwell in the subway, passing their filthy germs all over the place, it's best to keep some of that hand sanitizer on you. I recommend Purell.
- The freaks come out at night, so handle your business in the day time. Once the lights go out, people who like to start shit come out like roaches with the light off. Some shit can go down during the day, but it goes a lot better when the sun is out. There's definitely less drunks around.
- If you think somebody is about to move in on you and start trouble, make a temporary friend by starting a conversation with the closest person near you. Sit next to them and talk about anything. If they have a Penn State bag or an Eagles jersey or a wedding ring, talk about that. Pretend you know them from somewhere and ask questions about high school or something. Make up shit because the odds of someone interrupting your conversation to cause trouble is extremely rare, especially if you look like you're really into it. If you really feel like you're in danger, let the person you're having a conversation with in on your little game. If anything, they'll play along long enough for the danger to pass.
- Drive a car to avoid the subway altogether. It's just plain smart.
There's a ton of stuff I can put down, but this entry is long enough.

Be safe, children.
Currently
Batman: Arkham Asylum
By Eidos Interactive
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About Me

"I love comic books. How can I not, fairy tales for adults, good versus evil and such. Well, the only thing better than loving comics and the like is to find someone that you can talk to about your obsession. Enter Mr. Hawksmoor. Or…Hawkman as all the girls at the Comicon call him. I love the medium, but he takes his love a step beyond that and he draws these men and monsters that prance about our colorful magazines. He’s intelligent, talented and his Xanga makes for concise, entertaining reads." - Qwindin